the pen kind of love

I'm afraid that I will always love in pencil

I'm afraid I will never find the pen kind of love

 I'm afraid of leaving other people just because it's what's best for me

I'm afraid that staying with me will never be what's best for anyone

 

I'm afraid that I don't react well to needy 

I'm afraid that I'm too needy

I'm afraid that my heart is too shy and rarely speaks up

I'm afraid that my mind is too loud and never shuts up

I'm afraid that she claims to be an optimist but anything I say or do upsets her

I'm afraid that when I claim to be an optimist maybe I'm lying too 

I'm afraid of how important this next week could be for my life, how important each week has the potential to be

I'm afraid that I will not have the courage to always do what's best

I'm afraid that we could never get along

I'm afraid that a pay-attention-to-me crier could never get along with a please-don't-stare crier 

I'm afraid of thinking about my fears anymore 

so I'm afraid it's time for me to close out another post

I'm afraid because I'm not afraid of the future 

I'm afraid darling, because I'm simply too excited

Stream of thought

Hmmmm 
different
I'm supposed to write something #different 
I've already written happy
and I've written sad

gif
no gif

picture
no picture

I've been sleeping since church got out and I just woke up now
that's different I guess
I honestly would've slept until tomorrow if I didn't have to pee
thank you bladder or else this assignment would've been late

gotta get those points

or maybe not?

I already made it into BYU...... lol

Am I the only one feeling like I need to find a new goal ASAP?
Because I've had one goal for so long and now that I've accomplished it 

I feel slightly empty. 

Like, what's my purpose now?

anyways I don't really have anything poetic to say today 
you feel?

Today I'm just *******
not PaP Audie 

How is your guys day going? 

I doubt many people will answer 
I feel like there's approximately 3 people reading the blogs now 

I totally get it
I'm tired too, clearly.
and school doesn't allow time for creativity

so this has gotta go to the bottom of the to-do list 

study for my AP test to get college credit?
read about how that girl wants to kill herself?

I think I'll study. 

That's the sad thing about school I guess
when we are given time to open up 
that's what comes out of our mouths 

all the sadness

cuz we gotta get it out 
and when will be the next time we are given the chance to be us?
to be something other than robots programmed to get the test scores that will make them look like good teachers

when is the next time we will be something other than a number?

everyone is screaming out 

but I don't have time to listen 

because I need to go get a higher number.